


dazzled by the same constellation

by fraudulentzodiacs



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fraudulentzodiacs/pseuds/fraudulentzodiacs
Summary: The first time Jamie kisses Johnsy is three weeks after Annie moves out.
Relationships: Stephen Johns/Jamie Oleksiak
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	dazzled by the same constellation

**Author's Note:**

> My multiple WIPs: Does she see us?  
> Me: *blissfully ignores them all to write this instead*

The first time Jamie kisses Johnsy is three weeks after Annie moves out.

He doesn’t mean to, not really, but the thought had been there for weeks – longer, if Jamie was honest with himself – and Johnsy had been so _sad_ and Jamie just really wanted to make him _not sad_ and so he had leaned over on the couch in Johnsy’s apartment and kissed him.

“What was that? Why did you kiss me?” Johnsy’s voice is soft, a little hesitant, and Jamie only shrugs and sinks back into the couch.

“Wanted to, I guess.” He tells him, then grabs the controller he’d discarded. “Another round of COD?”

Neither one of them brings it up again, but it feels like – now that he’s done it once – Jamie finds himself wanting to kiss Johnsy all the time. He wants to push him up against the nearest hard surface and wreck him a little, yeah, but he feels the urge most when they’re hanging out and Jamie just kind of wants to…press his lips to his cheek, run his hands through his dark hair and drop absent kisses on his forehead while they’re watching a movie. Jamie wants to do dumb shit like sling his arm around his shoulders and tug until the other man is pressed along his side, and when he does he just fits, and he gives absent little kisses when he can’t fight the urge, and they never talk about it, and Johnsy never initiates it but he doesn’t push Jamie away.

Jamie wants to…he wants to fucking _date_ Johnsy. He wants to hold his hand and be able to tell the people who hit on him when they’re out that he’s _taken_ , and he doesn’t want to have to watch girls push into Johnsy’s space, watch him smile at them and take their numbers when they’re offered because he’s not Jamie’s, even if he feels like that to Jamie.

He knows they need to talk about it, that eventually it’s going to blow up in his face, but he can’t bring himself to bring it up, but he also can’t bring himself to stop. So, after another movie night, he lets Johnsy walk him to the door even though it’s only about fifteen steps from the couch to the front door. He stares down at him, thinks about kissing him, but Johnsy beats him to it. He feels hands on his neck, and then Johnsy tugs until they’re kissing. Jamie holds onto Johnsy’s hips, pulls him closer and then lets him push until Jamie’s back is against the wall. He licks into Johnsy’s mouth, gets a groan in response and he can’t help but try to follow when Johnsy pulls away.

“You should stay.”

Jamie just nods and lets Johnsy drag him toward the bedroom.

Jamie thinks that, maybe, things will change after they’ve slept together, but they don’t. Johnsy makes him breakfast in the morning, they work out together in his building’s gym, and they swing by Jamie’s place before driving into morning skate together. He drops Jamie off after with a vague invitation to play Minecraft later, and Jamie kisses him goodbye without thinking too hard about it.

He fucks Johnsy for the first time a few nights later, taking his time until he’s a panting, whimpering mess beneath him and Jamie…well, it’s almost too much for Jamie to handle. Johnsy passes out half on top of him afterward, and his facial hair tickles Jamie’s neck but he just wraps an arm around his shoulders and tugs him a little closer.

They’re on a west coast roadie a few weeks later, riding high off a win against LA, the team taking up the VIP area of a random club. Jamie’s never been crazy about California, and he’s even less of a fan as he watches a petite brunette talking Johnsy up where he’s ordering for the table at the bar. She’s laughing like he’s said something hysterical, resting a delicate hand on his arm and Jamie’s suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to stomp over there and rip him away, drag him back to the booth like a caveman dragging something that’s _his_ back to his cave.

He doesn’t, of course, because they might be fooling around, but Johnsy _isn’t_ his. He’s not, he won’t be, and the sooner Jamie accepts the fact that his friend is going to eventually find someone he actually wants to be with – and that it’s not going to be Jamie – the better for both of them.

He stares into his drink as if it holds the secrets of the universe until he feels someone slide into the booth next to him, watches Johnsy’s familiar hand exchange his watery drink for a new one. He looks up and Johnsy’s alone, smiling at him, and Jamie feels something loosen in his chest.

They go back to the hotel together, and Jamie gets on his knees for Johnsy with the image of the girl’s hand on Johnsy’s arm fresh in his mind.

Jamie knows he needs to do something, he _does_ , but he knows things will end as soon as he does. He knows that Johnsy will let him down gently, do his best to preserve their friendship. He’s asleep in Johnsy’s bed a few weeks after the roadie. He sleeps there more than his own place, at this point, but tonight he’s tossing and turning, unable to settle. He’s just about resigned to getting no sleep when he hears Johnsy sigh and flip over in the bed, throwing his body over Jamie’s, tangling their legs together.

“I can hear you thinking.” He grumbles, gripping Jamie tightly, and he bounces when Jamie chuckles.

“Sorry.” He tells him, and Johnsy hums and kisses his shoulder.

“Just go to sleep, babe.”

It’s the _babe_ that does it, thrown out so casually as Johnsy – as _Stephen_ – falls back asleep in his arms, and Jamie…fuck, Jamie _loves_ him. He’s in love and Stephen’s not and Jamie is totally and completely _fucked_.

Jamie makes it a point to sleep at his own place the next night, and the night after that, and the one after that, and soon enough Stephen stops asking him to come over. They game, and they play hockey together, but the closeness stops, the kisses stop, and Jamie thought he would feel better but instead he just feels like his heart is being crushed every time he looks across the locker room at him.

“What the fuck did you do to Johnsy?” Segs asks him after a particularly rough loss against the Blues. They’re alone in the parking garage, and Segs is staring up at him with a hand on his hip and a judgmental look on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what the fuck did you _do_?” Segs sighs. “You guys were, like, best friends and all of a sudden you’re barely talking and Johnsy, he looks…”

“He looks like what?” Jamie presses, and Segs raises an eyebrow.

“He looks at you like you kicked his puppy every time you’re not looking.” Jamie doesn’t know what to say to that, choosing to stare at the ground instead.

“Whatever you did…” Segs tells him after a long silence. “Fix it. It’s affecting the team.”

Segs walks away before Jamie can respond, and he’s heading toward Stephen’s before he can think better of it. The doorman lets him pass with a wave and a smile, but Jamie ends up staring at the front door instead of knocking. He stares, and stares, and stares so long that he startles when the door opens and then Stephen’s staring at him.

“You’ve been standing in front of my door for ten minutes.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going to come inside?” Jamie can’t look at him, just stares down at his socked feet in the doorway and shrugs.

“Can I?”

“’Course.” Stephen’s feet slip out from view and Jamie shuffles inside, hearing Stephen lock the door behind him. “You want something to drink?”

“Just water.” Jamie desperately wants a beer, but he also wants to be clear-headed for this. He takes the bottle that Stephen offers once they’re in the kitchen, and downs half of it before setting it back on the counter. “We should talk.”

Jamie can sense Stephen tensing from the other side of the island, and when he does manage to finally look up, his eyes look guarded in a way that Jamie’s not used to.

“Yeah, I think we should.”

Jamie opens his mouth, closes it, takes another sip of water and then picks at the granite countertop. He manages to look back at Stephen again and open his mouth before turning back to the counter.

“Jamie…”

“I’m sorry.” He finally gets out, the water bottle crunching under his grip.

“For what?”

“I, uh…” He starts, but the words get trapped in his throat.

“I just don’t understand what I did wrong.” Stephen finally admits, and that makes Jamie look up at him.

“What? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I must have.” Stephen shrugs. “I thought things were going great, and then you just…disappeared.”

“I know, I’m sorry for that, really. But you didn’t do anything wrong, I did.”

“Okay…” Stephen drifts off, raises an eyebrow like he expects Jamie to fill in the blanks – which, Jamie muses, he probably does.

“I broke the rules.” He starts pacing along the island, feeling like he’s about to come out of his skin. “I mean, we were just having fun, you know? And then I went and…I went and fell in love with you like an _idiot_ , and you called me _babe_ , and I wanted to die because I want that, I want all that shit with you, and you don’t and-“

“Wait.” Jamie stops pacing when Stephen holds his hand up, his eyes wide as he stares across the island at Jamie. “You thought we were just, what, fooling around?”

“Well…yeah?” Jamie’s not sure if Stephen just missed the part where he confessed that he accidentally fell in love with his best friend.

“Oh, my god.” Jamie watches as Stephen collapses onto the counter, his face in his hands as his shoulders shake. Jamie’s not sure if he’s laughing or crying, until he looks back up at Jamie with a smile on his face. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Am not.” Jamie replies, reflexively, though he’s not sure that’s entirely accurate at the moment given how confused he currently is.

“I am too, holy shit.” Jamie freezes as he watches Stephen come around the island and lets him wrap his hands around his neck and pull him down for a kiss. It’s messy, a little frantic, but Jamie wraps his arms around Stephen’s waist and holds on, afraid that this might be the last time he gets to do this. Stephen’s beard is scratchy against his, his body solid, and Jamie just _wants_.

“Jamie…” Stephen murmurs against his lips as he pulls away, and Jamie’s distracted by how much he wants to press his lips firmly against him, and he wants to groan when Stephen leans further away. “Did you really think we were just fooling around?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Rig, you spend almost every night in my bed.”

“I mean…it was easier than going home, right?”

“We cuddle on the couch when we’re watching TV.”

“Well…it’s comfortable.”

“You literally hold my hand in the car and kiss me goodbye.”

“I…” Jamie trails off, then huffs out a breath. “You try to pick up in clubs!”

“I do not!” Stephen pulls out of his arms at that, and Jamie wants to fight it but stops himself.

“What about the girl in LA?”

“The girl…” Something lights up in Stephen’s eye in recognition and he swats Jamie’s arm. “Dumbass! I told her she was nice, but I wasn’t interested, and then I went back to the hotel with _you_!”

“Oh.”

“I told her I was taken, I thought we were fucking _dating_.”

“You did?” He asks, and something turns grumpy in Stephen’s face, his cheeks turning red as he stares down at the floor.

“Yeah.” His voice is small, a little hurt, and Jamie feels that hurt in his own chest. “Stupid, I guess.”

“No, not stupid, I’m stupid.” Jamie pulls him back into his arms, and Stephen comes with little hesitation. “I thought you couldn’t want that, y’know, with me.”

“But you do? Want that?”

“Yeah.” Jamie smiles, and Stephen smiles, and he leans down to kiss him again.

“We’re so fucking stupid.” Stephen tells him once he pulls away, and Jamie lets him tug him toward the couch.

“The fucking stupidest.” He agrees as he climbs over Stephen, blanketing his body with his own.

“You’re lucky you’re so fucking hot.” Jamie shivers as Stephen drags his hands under his shirt and along his back.

“You like ‘em big and dumb?” Jamie chirps, and groans when Stephen drags his blunt nails down his spine.

“So do you.”

“You’re not that big.”

“I’m only, like, four inches shorter than you, asshole.” Jamie tilts his head back when Stephen reaches up and nips gently at his neck. “We can’t all be human mountains. Hey, wait…”

“What?”

“You said that you’re in love with me.”

“You’re just now getting to that?”

“Shut up, I was distracted.”

“I do, though.” Jamie admits, staring down at Stephen. “Love you.”

“Me too.” Stephen tells him, and Jamie hadn’t realized how worried he’d been about him being ten steps ahead of Stephen until that moment.

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

“Fucking finally.” Stephen laughs, then wraps his legs around Jamie’s thighs and tugs until they roll over onto the floor, Jamie’s breaths punched from his lungs.

He only complains a little.

**Author's Note:**

> come scream about dumb boys on knife shoes with me @[bennsseguin](https://bennsseguin.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
